It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
