just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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