You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
