You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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