Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
