girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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