I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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