So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
