i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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