anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
