Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
