Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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