hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
