I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
