I wish I only lived at night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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