I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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