She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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