It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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