When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
