my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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