New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
