guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
