were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
