If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
