is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
