I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
