i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
