Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
