I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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