If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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