I think I died a long time ago.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sext me about skeletons
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
