the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
