why didn't you poke me back
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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