So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
smell my finger.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
