Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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