I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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