I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Mom said you looked used
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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