He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
