Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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