me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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