i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
