So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
