I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
