I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
