we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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