even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
