They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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