Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
