There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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