You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
