and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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