I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
