How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
