She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
