im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
