If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
