Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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