I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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