We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
