Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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